British wedding traditions explained and how to incorporate them into your special day

Wedding traditions offer a framework for the big day and can impact wedding planning significantly. The bride’s walk down the aisle, exchanging rings, cutting the cake, the correct order of speeches - these wedding rituals are the standard customs of an English wedding. Then there’s also the down-on-one-knee proposal and the first dance conventions, which are popular even with those opting for a non-religious ceremony. However, times are changing, and many couples are moving away from rigid formats and finding ways to put their unique spin on old wedding traditions. 

‘There is something so special about old and trusted traditions,’ Rosalie Kuyvenhoven, a leading London celebrant with a specialism in creative weddings, tells us. ‘I don’t think these will disappear but evolve as they adapt to modern, more inclusive times. For example, any traditions that put one half of the couple above the other or include phrases such as ‘obey’ are no longer relevant; couples also increasingly want to be seen as equal partners in marriage.’

While wedding traditions have progressed and continue to evolve to reflect societal norms, they still hold a firm place in wedding planning and the structure of the day. According to the Hitched National Wedding Survey in 2023, 90% of brides wore a wedding dress, while 71% purchased a wedding cake. The beauty is that now couples can pick and choose the wedding traditions that are right for them. We’ve spoken to wedding planners and a celebrant about wedding traditions with enduring appeal to find out how they can be honoured or adapted for modern weddings. 

Tallulah Adams, direcor of wedding venue Davenport House, has a different take, telling us, ‘Is there not something sacred and sentimental about your last night together as fiancées? Holding each other close, whispering in the dark about how far you’ve come, reminiscing about cheesy pickup lines, first dates, and every decision you made that led you both to this moment, this night before you become a married couple?’

The ceremony is often the most formal part of the wedding and steeped in tradition. A traditional English wedding ceremony’s basic structure is an accumulation of centuries-old rituals. For some the original meaning has been lost in their modern-day form, but this familiar order of events still has great appeal for many couples who yearn to have that special alter moment in the company of their loved ones. 

Perhaps the oldest and most sacred wedding tradition, the exchanging of vows, can be traced back to the manuals of the Medieval church. The first recorded marriage vows were in 1549, when Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, published the first edition of The Book of Common Prayer. While this tradition is heavily rooted in religion, it’s one that’s endured, with non-religious couples often adapting the format to reflect their individuality with personalised vows. ‘When a couple exchanges their vows and tell the other in their own words what they mean to them, that’s the most moving moment of a wedding for me,’ Kuyvenhoven tells us. 

• The bride wearing white: This tradition began with Queen Victoria’s wedding to Prince Albert in 1840, with her choice of a white lace dress influencing the royal wedding dresses that came after it, and wedding dress trends across the globe. However, there are now many variations of the ‘big white dress,’ from shorter gowns to white power suits. White is thought to symbolise purity and virtue, meaning some brides opt to choose a different shade or pattern for their wedding, as this can feel a little outdated, particularly with second marriages. 
  
• Bridesmaids and groomsmen: A bridal party is still crucial in most modern weddings, though rules around matching outfits or strict roles have been relaxed considerably. 
  
• Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue: Often, couples don’t bother with this quaint tradition, which originated from an Old English rhyme in the 19th century. The wedding tradition involves bringing something from each category to the ceremony and is meant to bring luck to the couple. 
  
• The ring exchange: This binding moment in the ceremony is still integral to weddings. The wedding tradition of rings can be traced back to ancient Rome and Greece, with gold rings included in the marital dowry.

Although the evening wedding reception is typically less traditional, the more sociable part of a wedding still usually has some hallmarks shaped by customs. 

Speeches are usually included in some form, though there have been some switch-ups regarding who’s giving them. The 'traditional' order of speeches is the father of the bride, followed by the groom, and finally the best man. Nowadays, it’s much more common for the bride and bridesmaids to give a speech, as wedding planner Lavina Stewart-Brown notes. ‘I think we will see more of a move to bridal speeches,’ she tells us. ‘Brides play such a huge part in the day, so it is nice to see them have an opportunity to make the day super personal.’ She also notes the enduring appeal of the groom’s speech, telling us, ‘The groom's speech is always an extraordinary moment and always a tear-jerker. Although it is often in front of a big room of people, it is nice to see a couple enjoy that moment.’

Since the 16th century, wedding cakes have often been fruit cakes because they can be preserved well and don’t go off. The top layer was traditionally saved for the child’s first christening, because it would not to spoil. However, this is less common nowadays, and people are beginning to lean toward more inventive cakes or sponges and flavours they love. ‘I think this is a great one to overturn, and it allows the couple to pick delicious cake alternatives that can be served for pudding at the wedding breakfast or with flavour layers for something fun,’ Bartholomew tells us. ‘Some couples have a pyramid of cupcakes, which I think always looks beautiful.’

• Throwing the bouquet: A rom-com favourite, this theatrical moment of a wedding is still loved by many, with Bartholomew adding, ‘Often the bride requests Beyonce's All The Single Ladies and will throw the bouquet to any of her friends who want to catch it.'
• Honeymooning straight after the wedding: Traditionally, couples would head off straight after their marriage to enjoy their first adventure as a two. But times have changed, with couples often having multiple holidays before they get married. ‘Most couples dash off for a minimoon the day after the wedding, then will take a bigger holiday later in the year as their 'main' honeymoon,’ Bartholomew explains. 

While not necessarily traditions just yet, other modern wedding trends include ‘Sten dos’, where a stag and hen party are combined more inclusively, inventive ring bearers such as dogs having an adorable part in the ceremony, surprise flash dancers (for the bold among us) and cheese-centric grazing boards or dessert bars replacing a formal wedding cake. A videographer is also now commonplace at a wedding, with the viewing, usually months later, a poignant moment for couples. 

Of course, there are wedding traditions from around the world that allow couples to embrace the bride or groom’s culture, as Kuyvenhoven notes. ‘For an Indian-English couple, we included a Hindu Tamil wedding tradition: a coconut ritual,’ she recalls. ‘During this ritual, the groom's father broke the coconut, which has a hidden symbolism: the sweet water symbolises love, the white kernel purity and the broken outer shell, the shedding of selfishness. ‘The groom’s father then placed three items in each half of the coconut: a beetle leaf, little seeds and fruit to represent the three bodies. One is life, one is death, and one is soul. We then placed the rings into the coconut halves and passed these around so the guests could send happy thoughts to the rings or bless them with their prayers, meditations and well wishes.’ In another touching example, the celebrant recalls how a Dutch-English couple exchanged a rose (to represent English culture) and a tulip (a symbol of Dutch culture), which were presented by their respective mothers. 

If you want to start a new tradition, don’t be afraid to think outside the box and do something significant to you - as well as the people you’re celebrating with. ‘In the ceremonies I conduct, I’m seeing a trend towards couples including their guests,’ Kuyvenhoven explains. ‘The wedding is not just about the couple but also about the family and friends who have come to celebrate with them. They are looking for creative ways to engage their audience and thank them for their love, friendship and support.’

Main Photo Credit: Deborah Grace